Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Dennis and the trailer with the Yellow School Bus

As I get more at ease from experience with my sexuality, I find things are a lot easier to handle.  The nervousness of a 'first meeting' are mostly gone.  I finally have the balls to walk up to a house that I have never been to, and meet a guy whose name I don't even know.

But, the biggest learning experience is simply being able to set realistic expectations about what I am going to find when that door opens.  Initially, it seemed that everyone I hooked up with was a big disappointment, but when I went back to remember what I had based my expectations on, quite often I was overlooking things that were pretty apparent for someone who could just get his dick out of the way, and think with his brain instead of that other head.

I was in the mid-west the first of the week, at my old home town, and checking out the GRINDR guys.  Now I am talking about a fairly small city, with a total of about 80,000 in the whole county.  There were several that looked promising, but Dennis kept popping up.  After a lengthy conversation, I wrote him off because he lived pretty far out, and he seemed to want a few more guarantees and pics than I wanted to give him.  He had also called me cocky [although I really DID deserve it].

Unfortunately, the other options were all drying up fast, and I was horny as hell for an ass to fuck.  I don't usually crave an ass, but for some reason, Tuesday I really wanted it.  I was visiting relatives off and on all day, and as it turned out, I had a little extra time that I didn't think I had.

GPS took me right to the trailer, with the old yellow school bus sitting next to it, and the two cars in the grass circular drive.  As I walked up to the door, I really thought that this was a place I would never follow through and go to a few months ago.  He opened the door and actually looked just like his picture.

After he sucked me, and we got naked, he whispered, "Fuck me!".
"What?", I said.  "You want a cocky guy like me to fuck you?"  I made him repeat it.

He was pretty tight, it worked well.  I'm not a fan of KY jelly, but he was opened up pretty good in the next few minutes on the bed.

And I was on my way.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

A Great Dane or Norwegian...part 2

It was a pleasure to just look at his pics.  There was never a hint of sex between us, just a casual conversation, maybe a friend, a guy who loves men and women, and who happens to have a fantastic body [because he relentlessly works at it].  He responded regularly to my comments on GRINDR, and we continued that connection.

I learned that he was due to make a major move in a few weeks--out of the country--, but I also knew that we could continue to chat, and have that friendly relationship.  But, I was eager to meet him...not for sex, just to say hi, chat, listen to what he really sounded like, and experience him as a real person and not just a photo.  It is not unusual for me to want the real flesh and blood.  I just find it to be such a different and usually better experience.

We went along for several weeks, sending the occasional message, and, in the process, learning more about each other.  I won't reveal information that might identify him, but I will say that the more I learned about his past and his current direction, the more impressed I was.  During one exchange, I was getting a little bolder and started chatting about fucking and BJs, even sending him a photo of me being sucked by a buddy.  When his response was, "Hey, that's my job.", our relationship moved to a new level.  I was giddy with excitement.

At the invitation of a friend for a weekend visit, I was going to pass within a few miles of him.  I had to ask to meet.  Just for coffee or a drink or whatever, but to meet with no thought, guarantee or even a suggestion of sex.  [Yeah, I wanted it, but never dreamed that it might actually happen.]  I was excited when he agreed.  Like I said, I really enjoy meeting other nice guys for discussion or anything.  Due to a last minute change of plans, he was in a hotel very close to me...checking in about the same time I had to leave town.  I changed my plans, last minute, to spend a few hours with his hotel, one of those old grand hotels with the two story lobby, grand staircase, all dark woods, and fancy carpet.

I was a bit disappointed that he wanted to meet in the lobby and not in his room, but not overly so.  After all, our meeting had never been assumed or alluded to be sexual in nature, just a get together to know each other a bit better.  I called his cell as instructed to tell him I had arrived, "I'll be right down to the lobby.  I am wearing a white shirt with green shorts".

The next few minutes were nerve racking for me.  I had thought about what he probably looked like [photos don't ever fully prepare you for the first meeting], how he would greet me, and, of course, I had spent way too much timing thinking about what to say.  The elevator opened, and out walked the fittest man I have ever seen in my life.  He had nice tennies on, great looking legs, a pair of shorts that perfectly fit his very trim waist, and a shirt that was tight enough to accent a chest that never quits.  And his smile, was/is infectious.  I am pretty sure I just stood there staring for WAYYYY too long.

I finally recovered, shook hands, greeted each other and we started looking for someplace that was at least semi-private to sit and chat.  Nothing else seemed to work, so we ended up in the hotel bar.

I had a few beers with him, mid-afternoon where we talked about everything from kids to politics to world peace.  He is one of those guys who makes you feel so very comfortable being with him.  He oozes a comfortable confidence, and makes one feel at ease.  Quite often, my mind would wander as I looked at him, his face, his lips, and imagined what it would be like to kiss him.  After two beers, and a lot of great talk, a lull in the conversation proved it was obviously time to end the meeting and move on.

With two beers for courage, and the knowledge that I may never see him again, I just had to ask him if I was going to get to try out that kiss.  I expected the worst, but he just looked at me and said, "Yes".

It took way too long to pay the bill, but we finally got through that, left the bar, and moved on up the grand staircase, to the main elevators.  I followed him like a puppy to his room, past other guests, past the maids, and he greeted them all like a he had known them for years.  He opened his door, as I went on in, I walked past him a bit and stood in the entry hall.  He locked the door and turned around and stood in front of me.  Not a word was spoken as our lips grew closer together.  It wasn't a vicious attack, but a natural coming together, tongues gently fighting each other.  With neither of us backing off, it was at least five minutes before our lips parted from that first kiss.  We finally broke apart after what seemed like 20 minutes, after some groping, and then kicked off our shoes, moving on to the bed.

I typically keep my hands as busy as my mouth when I am kissing, I was rubbing and squeezing his back, his arms, the back of his head, and of course his ass cheeks.  I could not find one bit of loose skin to pinch...he was all muscle.  Finally, he got up to get something in the bathroom, and came back bare naked.  A breathtaking sight.

And, he wanted my cock, "Let me see" he said.  Finally, here I was, bare naked on a bed in the middle of the afternoon with the fittest, most attractive man I had ever seen.  He wanted my cock and my cum, and I wanted to give it to him in the worst way.  But, it was not to be...he had a time commitment that he could not miss.  Then, my performance anxiety set in.  Despite the best blowjob that I have ever experienced, he was not going to get anything but some pre-cum from me today.  

I knew he had to leave, was worried about the time, and just couldn't go on.  As I was getting dressed he made me promise to give him two loads the next time...I owe him one from today, and the next one as well.

I am not even a semblance of the physical specimen that I need to be to play in the same park as him.  As much as I want to spend time with him, a part of me is ready to accept that we will never do that again.  I will continue to try, to be available, but most importantly, he has made me more resolute to get into the shape I need to be in.  Every time I reach for an unhealthy snack, I think of him and I don't eat it.  Every time I feel too sore to get up for my run or walk, I think of him.  Every time I know that I just can't make it that last 1/2 mile, I think of him.

Someday, I may have a chance to meet again, and next time, I will be more than ready.  In the meantime, I have those memories, and I will revisit this often to keep things going.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Eric and his Pics ... part 3

I was a real basket case for weeks, but I knew in my heart and in my mind that things would be OK.  I didn't like it, but I knew that this was the only logical solution.  Regardless of what Eric did, I would always have feelings for him.  I had to let him go.

I also knew that there were some very good reasons why I liked him so much, and those reasons hadn't changed.  1.  He was [is] a philanthropist in that he donates a lot of time and resources to charities...a particular one that he feels very strongly about.  I am exactly the same way.  2.  He loves men but he also loves women.  I was married for over 20 years...need I say more.  3.  He is a people person, always finding the good in others.  4.  He is extremely passionate about things he loves.  [sigh] 5.  Except for his bisexual activities, he really is a dedicated family man.  I could tell from him actions and his discussions that he truly loves his wife, and he is truly dedicated to his children.  6.  He struggles with his 'demons' as I do, but he does it a lot better most of the time.

My only regret is that I really screwed things up with him.  The more I wanted him and needed him, the more I drove him away.  My only recourse was to back off, and let him go.  I finally realized this and did.  For weeks, we had no or little communication, but it seemed incomplete.  Finally, for closure, I sent him a note that essentially said goodbye.  However, I couldn't say goodbye to a guy who I wanted to be a friend, so I followed it with other emails that almost begged him to just be my friend.

In retrospect, I am sad because I found a truly great man, and I totally screwed things up.  I misread what he wanted, I had unrealistic expectations, and my recovery was atrocious.  I can only hope there is another out there somewhere who is close to what he is, and who can love me for what I am.


GRINDR gets me in so much trouble or so much pleasure depending on how you look at it.  This morning, I was planning a calm day when GRINDR brought me a hairy 40+YO who was looking for some fun.  He is a top but was more than happy with a 69 to start out the day.  I was also chatting with a bottom who, coincidentally was willing to take on two guys.

Now, I have done 3-ways before, and I know that sometimes they work and sometimes they don't...depending on the guys involved and their expectations.  So, I typically try to judge the guys and what they are doing, are they having fun, and purposely involve them in the fun if they are not already. I felt pretty good about the 3-way.

Meet at 1. And it's only 11 ... we all know how these things can fall apart.  I made sure that both guys fully understood what we were going to do.  And, I prepared my host [I'm away from home for a few days] that I would be leaving to visit some other 'friends' shortly.  My friend who was hosting is not in on my secrets.

For the first time in a long time, it all worked out.  I may have a future as a planner after all.
Shortly after 1, there were three naked guys happily sucking and jacking.  I was the 'facilitator' and it was a good thing that I was...they neither seemed to be experienced with 3-ways and it was good for someone to give at least a little guidance.

I really liked the bottom...longish straight black hair, smooth, hairless skin, dark like an American Indian or a Brazilian [which I learned he was].  Nice cut cock and a really nice ass.  I opened up his ass with a little lube and a finger, finally getting two in him to the hand.

It was fun...I got a BJ from each of them, fucked our bottom, and got great reviews from the other top.

As I was leaving, GRINDR was begging me to answer it's call.  I just can't be good with so many options, so I did.  A half hour later, I was being expertly sucked by a 30 YO married guy in the front seat of the car.  I rarely do that...BJ in the car at 3:30 in the afternoon ... too dangerous, but he was SOO good at sucking cock.

I think I am going to take it easy tonight.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Eric and his pics ... part 2

This is part two of my story about Eric.  If you haven't read the intro, you should read it first below.

What started as a friendly note to a blogger, had turned into a daily, erotic exchange for me.  Eric was sending me pics almost daily, of himself in various states of arousal.  I was enthralled by his physical presence, and captivated by his open, honest exchange.  Within a few days, we were talking daily.  I knew his schedule, and he mine.  I would often keep him occupied on his lengthy commute to work in the morning, and/or his commute at home in the evening.  I grew to expect that connection.  At that time, I was working in the field quite a bit, away from the office, and could chat at almost any time he was available.  He was available a lot.  

Our discussions nearly always centered around sex at first.  If we were in a position to do so, we talked each other through an orgasm, and then often sent pictures of the result.  But our discussions also quickly progressed to other issues.  We learned about our families, our jobs, our fears, and our triumphs.  He had quickly become a friend, confidant, and a long distance lover.  

Even considering the mental state I was in, I recognized that what I had fallen in love with, may not actually exist.  I was in a 'pinch me' state when we weren't talking, pessimistically fearing that I would wake one day, and what I had quickly fallen to depend on would be gone. But when we were talking or texting, I was like a giddy school girl.  I repeatedly questioned to myself how I could be so 'taken' by him when we had not even met.  Then he would call or send a naked picture or text me and my fears would disappear.  

Then, near Christmas, all of my fears came true.  It was Christmas family time, and he did not communicate for days.  I was devastated.  I spent hours looking through what communication I still had from him, mostly emails, some texts, as well as the pictures.  But, my despondence initiated by my separation from my family and kids at Christmas, was only heightened by his absence.  I questioned my value, worth, future, past, and saw my convictions diminish.  And yet, I knew that what I had come to expect could never actually be.  

During that time of little or no communication with him, I started writing him emails, journals, of my thoughts and feelings.  I sent none of them, but still kept them.  I realize now that it was therapy for me to actually put those feelings on paper.  When I look back on them and read them now, I realize how truly fucked up I was.  

In early January, we finally talked.  I came close to telling him how I felt, but I couldn't...the time was not right...he had said something like, when it stops being fun, then we need to quit.  I didn't want to quit.  So, I accommodated. my heart, I knew that there was nothing there even remotely close to what I once thought was there.  

More to come in part 3.  

Saturday, June 23, 2012

A Great Dane or Norwegian?

I spend way too much time on Grindr, I know.  It is so addicting, I just can't seem to 'not' click on it.  But when I was buzzing down I-81, and glanced down at this sexy as hell pic of two guys in a mouth to mouth embrace, I just had to say something.

I do that a lot.  See someone who is extra sexy or just nice looking, and I gotta just give 'em a compliment.  It never hurts, and may make someone feel better.

But this particular one was extra special.  ...and I have been known to be a great kisser [not my words, just every guy I have ever kissed says that--and some gals too].  My message to him was, "Guys tell me I'm a great kisser. But I'd like your opinion."

It was an immediate bond between us.  OK, maybe not for him, but for me, I felt an immediate bond.  I just wanted to talk to him, or touch him or anything...just get closer to him any way possible.  

But, I was headed the wrong way, no time to stop and spend 3 or 4 hours going to find him and he not be there or not interested after all.  I did, however put him in my favorites to follow up on later, hopefully.  After all, driving 70+ MPH down I-81 while texting is not a smart thing to do anyway.
There will be an update soon.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Eric Sends me Great Cock Pics

Being divorced was not for me, was it?  I had spent 25 years with my primary goal and personal responsibility to take care of my family...wife and kids.  I worried about my job, money, giving them a nice place to live, plenty of food, and hopefully, giving them a lot of love.  When my ex became increasingly distant, I did not react well...I let her do that, didn't work at the relationship.  I let it become stagnant and, eventually, non-existent.  It was still a shock to me when the process server arrived in my office with the divorce papers.  I was still living at home.  After that malicious act, I became more resolute that I wanted nothing to do with her, and if she wanted a divorce, she would get that.
The next several months were miserable for me as she attempted to manipulate the kids [and with some success] to turn them from me.  The years that I had spent with nothing more primary in my mind than to care for them, seemed a waste.  My life was completely shattered.  Of course, she had also shattered hers, and the kids, but she would have to live with that, not me.

When I got the e-mail from Eric, a casual blogger that I had contacted complimenting him on his blog, I was a bit giddy.  Wow, someone actually heard me, listened, and responded.  Maybe life does exist after divorce.  Almost immediately, we were e-mailing multiple times per day.

On Saturday, the first Saturday after we first 'met' online, Eric was at his kids' lacrosse tournament, apparently a particularly boring one, and was messaging me as well.  One thing led to another, and when he told me he had a 9 inch cock, I said something like, "I sure would like to see that!"
Within a half hour, I had three great pics of his cock in various states of arousal, that he had taken in the school bathroom, just for me.  Even more significant, due to the technical challenges of multiple e-mail accounts on an iPhone, he sent them from his work e-mail!!  The result was that he was no longer an anonymous blogger, but a real man, with a real cock, and a real name.  By Monday, we were chatting on the phone....  more about this soon.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Found...a bottom sub

I had been messaging this guy for a day or two, but our schedules didn't match.  Then, this morning about 9, he was more interested.  He had a meeting that was cancelled and had a couple of hours.  Hairy chest, 48, bottom, loves to please.  Sure, why not.
"I haven't had a shower yet, just got in from running."
"I like man smells,"  he said.
I was there in 15 minutes...local hotel.  He finally gave me the room number when I was in the parking lot.  And, sure enough, he was just as advertised.  As soon as he closed the door, I grabbed his head, and gave him a huge kiss.  Then I pushed him over to the bed, and after taking our shirts off, I pushed him down to my inflating cock...I could smell the man smells from where I was as he devoured my uncut cock.  It was a bit ripe from a night of sleep, and the morning run.  But he cleaned it up nicely.
"You love that cock, don't you?", I whispered.   "I'm gonna put it in your ass next." and I did.  But first, I lubed him up and opened him up a bit more with my thumb.  He was poppering like crazy, and he loved the ass play.  After I wrapped it and slid it in him, I looked at his face, red from the poppers, as he was grabbing the sheets and cooing like a bird, thoroughly enjoying his fucking.
After pounding him good, I pulled it out, ripped off the rubber, turned him over and came on his face.
Thirty minutes after I arrived, I was down the hall, greeting the housekeepers on my way back to my car.
Nice guy...married, to a guy in New England.
I love when they make that face!!
This is not him...borrowed from the Internet.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I meet FLIP

This is the ongoing story of one of the men in my life.  Flip (not his real name) and I have become very close friends.  He is partnered, but his partner doesn't seem to fully understand his needs and therefore does not meet them all.  They have been together for a fairly long me that means at least 10 years.  I suspect that their relationship was suffering from the same doldrums that many relationships suffer from, after that length of time.  Both partners need to work at the relationship to keep it fresh and meaningful.  I have become 'the other guy' in his life, and I am not real happy about it.  This is how it started.
Flip sent me an email through silverdaddies...his profile was nice.  A few years younger than me, HWP, a vers/bottom who loves a passionate top.  I agreed to meet for lunch which led to a hotel room nearby, and a very enjoyable couple of hours of hugging, kissing, and sucking.  When he left, I felt like he could be a regular, I enjoyed what he did for me.  Starved for affection, I felt really good that someone wanted me.  
We met the following week at another hotel, and had a great time.  We seemed to fit together well.  I am strictly a top, and he loves to bottom.  He is always horny, and has a good size, larger than 'average' cock that I enjoy playing with.
Within a month, I found myself on a business trip with him...just a three day trip...I met him at the airport in Cleveland after he dropped off his partner to return home.  For the first time in my life, I checked into a hotel room with one king sized bed with another man.  As paranoid as I am, it was a huge deal for me to be there, knowing that 'everyone' knew were are gay.  He spent most of the day working, but when we went to dinner, I felt like everyone knew we were a couple.  Although there were no outward/obvious displays like holding hands or kissing in public, we would play footsie under the table, and spend most of our time looking at the other guys, talking about who else was gay or who wasn't but we wish they were.  
The sex was great.  To lay in bed with another man, sleep with him, and wake up with him was everything I expected and more.  It felt so good and almost 'normal' to me.  I was afraid I was falling in love.

Monday, June 18, 2012

A Perfect Guy?

He seemed perfect for me.  Late-40s, 6-0, 180, "likes mature, take charge guys".  Smoke no, drink socially, drugs no.  But he says he is a bottom, and he says he is looking for friendship.  Why would a guy say he is a bottom if he is just looking for friendship?  Is fucking included in friendship?  I always thought that was sex.  I guess I have so much to learn about the gay world and the terminology.

I decided it was worth the try...let's meet for a sex was implied.  At the prescribed time, I was there at the bar, in the parking lot waiting for him...a no show.  Damn.  And he seemed so nice.  Within a minute I get a message from him..where was I?  I had pretty clearly stated where, but he was at a different bar....and he seemed like he really DID want to meet.  Twenty minutes later, I was pulling in next to his car.  We chatted in the car for maybe 10 minutes.  He was not a perfect 10 for me, but a nice enough guy, great sense of humor, and I really DID want to see what was under his clothes....but I have no time tonight...things came up at the last minute and I need to run.

Second meeting...a local park, bright sunny afternoon, I am in the parking lot 
by the soccer fields, and he is nowhere to be found...he is in the other parking lot.  We finally find each other, and after a brief walk around the park and a lot of talk, I invite him to my place for a drink. 

Wine and cheese ... on the couch...kissing, touching, and I let my hand drift down to his crotch.  No resistance, so I start playing with his very hard cock through his pants.  Circumstances won't let us take it to the bedroom, I could be interrupted any minute by one of my kids' friends, but I can't resist.  I need to see his cock, to touch it, and taste it.  I get my hand under his shirt, feeling his smooth chest, and slide down inside his pants, loose enough on him to easily get my hand down there and it feels just as nice as I expected.  His cock is now pressing hard against his belly, and sticking up under his belt where I put it.  I kiss him, with my hand behind his head controlling him...a deep hard kiss...and it feels marvelous.  My hand goes back to his pants and I find the belt unbuckled and the pants unzipped.  Yes, he wants it as bad as I do.  I lower my head to taste it.  It's a bit dangerous to be licking his cock in the middle of the family room, but I need to do it.  After a few minutes of licking and sucking his cock, he starts to shoot...not a scream from him, but still a primitive, guttural sound and I take his cum.  I then move up to share it with him in a kiss that lasts as long as any...we are attached for a brief time, sharing his juices.  

As he comes down from the testosterone high, we both realize that what we are doing, and where we are doing it is way too dangerous for us both.  I did not have an orgasm, but I am OK with it.  It was great to satisfy him, and know that our next visit will be even more satisfying.  He DID say he was a bottom, after all.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

A Beginning

After a year of being told I should create my own blog, I decided to take the plunge.  My vision is that it will be a record of my attempts to find a meaningful relationship, or multiple ones if that is the right way to go.  Not even sure yet about anything.  Let's explore this together.
Me:  mid 50s (in gay years), divorced, kids mostly grown, the ex decided to be a real bitch, and has been one.
Experimented (whatever that means) with guys in my teens and college.  But not seriously...did not want to be 'one of those queers'.
Married, divorced by 25, and played around with mostly women for the next ten years.  Married for the next 20 or so, divorced and been playing with mostly guys for the last year.  (I rounded a lot of those years, so don't be adding them up and saying they don't add up...that was intentional, but it is close enough that you get the idea.)
My first profundity :
"Being gay is a hell of a lot different than it was being queer."
I no longer have to worry about finding other cocksuckers and bottoms in dark alleys, parks at night, and the streets around the only local gay bar, it really is pretty nice.
However, I have had some heartbreaks, some marginal experiences, and I have found a lot of guys (many more than I thought) who really need someone to fuck them.  More than a few of those that I have found are, to the public, fine, upstanding, often professional citizens...deacons, judges, attorneys, teachers, accountants, engineers (both professional and locomotive), Corporate VPs, and on and on.

I got a message on Adam4Adam today from a guy who had hit me up a few weeks ago.  In his ad, he was looking for an older guy to help turn him into a good bottom.  Early 40s, HWP, and from the pic, a pretty good looking guy.  He is about a 4 hour drive from me, but he claims to be here on business at least twice a month.  Sounds promising.
After chatting with him for the better part of an hour, it was obvious that he is a submissive guy looking to be dominated.  He claims to have been a Vers/Top but is ready to be a bottom.  I am baffled as to why a guy like him chooses me.  I think I am a pretty handsome guy, but not particularly well endowed, just average or even a bit smaller, hairy, but a bit overweight.  I am a great kisser according to most anyone who has experienced it, but he couldn't know that...yet.
He will let me know tomorrow when he will be here next...and I can't wait.  I really want to meet him and see if there is any 'chemistry' there.  I will keep you posted...check back in a few days.