Monday, June 25, 2012

Eric and his Pics ... part 3

I was a real basket case for weeks, but I knew in my heart and in my mind that things would be OK.  I didn't like it, but I knew that this was the only logical solution.  Regardless of what Eric did, I would always have feelings for him.  I had to let him go.

I also knew that there were some very good reasons why I liked him so much, and those reasons hadn't changed.  1.  He was [is] a philanthropist in that he donates a lot of time and resources to charities...a particular one that he feels very strongly about.  I am exactly the same way.  2.  He loves men but he also loves women.  I was married for over 20 years...need I say more.  3.  He is a people person, always finding the good in others.  4.  He is extremely passionate about things he loves.  [sigh] 5.  Except for his bisexual activities, he really is a dedicated family man.  I could tell from him actions and his discussions that he truly loves his wife, and he is truly dedicated to his children.  6.  He struggles with his 'demons' as I do, but he does it a lot better most of the time.

My only regret is that I really screwed things up with him.  The more I wanted him and needed him, the more I drove him away.  My only recourse was to back off, and let him go.  I finally realized this and did.  For weeks, we had no or little communication, but it seemed incomplete.  Finally, for closure, I sent him a note that essentially said goodbye.  However, I couldn't say goodbye to a guy who I wanted to be a friend, so I followed it with other emails that almost begged him to just be my friend.

In retrospect, I am sad because I found a truly great man, and I totally screwed things up.  I misread what he wanted, I had unrealistic expectations, and my recovery was atrocious.  I can only hope there is another out there somewhere who is close to what he is, and who can love me for what I am.

No comments:

Post a Comment