I was a real basket case for weeks, but I knew in my heart and in my mind that things would be OK. I didn't like it, but I knew that this was the only logical solution. Regardless of what Eric did, I would always have feelings for him. I had to let him go.
I also knew that there were some very good reasons why I liked him so much, and those reasons hadn't changed. 1. He was [is] a philanthropist in that he donates a lot of time and resources to charities...a particular one that he feels very strongly about. I am exactly the same way. 2. He loves men but he also loves women. I was married for over 20 years...need I say more. 3. He is a people person, always finding the good in others. 4. He is extremely passionate about things he loves. [sigh] 5. Except for his bisexual activities, he really is a dedicated family man. I could tell from him actions and his discussions that he truly loves his wife, and he is truly dedicated to his children. 6. He struggles with his 'demons' as I do, but he does it a lot better most of the time.
My only regret is that I really screwed things up with him. The more I wanted him and needed him, the more I drove him away. My only recourse was to back off, and let him go. I finally realized this and did. For weeks, we had no or little communication, but it seemed incomplete. Finally, for closure, I sent him a note that essentially said goodbye. However, I couldn't say goodbye to a guy who I wanted to be a friend, so I followed it with other emails that almost begged him to just be my friend.
In retrospect, I am sad because I found a truly great man, and I totally screwed things up. I misread what he wanted, I had unrealistic expectations, and my recovery was atrocious. I can only hope there is another out there somewhere who is close to what he is, and who can love me for what I am.
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