Monday, July 2, 2012

T and the beach

Several months back, I met T on Adam4Adam.  "Passionate oral...without passion it's just empty sex."  Being the passionate guy that I am, I had to chat with him.  At the time I was in a hotel near the beach, and he agreed to stop by.

Teacher, close to my age, grey hair, nice cock, normal size to smaller but nice.  I love sucking on smaller guys...I can get it all in my mouth, and they are SOOOO appreciative of a good BJ.  The problem?  Married.

I don't generally have a problem with a guy fucking around on his wife or his partner.  I can't and didn't do that myself, but I don't judge others.  Strictly between him and his SO.  Where I do get concerned is when it starts interfering with my lovemaking.  Really pisses me off when a guy 'can only stay for an hour'...I feel rushed and never perform well.  I am very much into passion, and passion cannot be scheduled, tied to a timer.

With T, our relationship started out slow [he isn't my 'ideal' physical specimen'] but before he left that first day, I was really falling for him.  We had a lot of things in common...probably went to the same trade shows at times, same industry [before he was a teacher], similar family situations...I just really felt close to him--on a personal level.  It is true that the brain is a sex organ.

My next trip to the beach was specifically to see him and he did not disappoint.  He showed up at my hotel as he said he would, and we had a great time.  Always before, we were strictly into oral, but it was that trip when we started talking about fucking.

The difficulty of the distance and his 'family' situation made hooking up very difficult.  We didn't let that stop us from communicating.  As soon as his wife was out of the house in the morning, and before he left for work, we would text or cam.  Those conversations were hot..with one or both of us cumming nearly every morning.  I could not wait to have him to myself for true man-on-man, uninterrupted fun.

I like to know about guys that I like.  Personal things really make me feel close.  T had told me a few things about his son and his wife that made if very easy to figure out his name [we never shared last names], where he lives, where his son lives, where he and his wife work...even how much he paid for his house and how long he had lived there.  It's really amazing that so much information is public these days.  I will never reveal any of that information to anyone, and don't really want to know for any reason than to feel closer to him.

We were setup for another meeting, and this one was going to be GREAT.  I knew we were going to make love, fuck, and he was going to love it.  The anticipation built up for me so much that it was all I could think about for days.  I had scheduled a Dr. appt that Wednesday morning of our meeting.  When I left that 8AM appt, I pinged him again, to make sure the arrangements were well known by us both.  His response was very disturbing.  An emergency surgical situation with his grandson would force us to cancel the meeting.  Disappointed?  Sure, but more alarmed for his family than anything else.

When I didn't hear from him throughout the week, I was even more bothered, assuming that things had  gone really bad, and he was tied up with family issues and couldn't get to me...understandably so. Then late on Sunday, he sent me a note saying he needed to cool it for a while, his wife had seen something on his iPhone and though he wasn't sure how much she saw, he was concerned and could not afford to be discovered.

A few weeks later, I happened to be near his house and took the opportunity to drive around his neighborhood.  I had hoped to see him out cutting grass or something, but he obviously wasn't home.  I am not sure what I would have done anyway if I had seen him.  I did enjoy driving through his neighborhood and experiencing what he might have experienced having lived there. 

As the days passed, I became very distressed.  Alarmingly, I was beginning to believe that some or all of what he had said was a manufactured lie.  I didn't know how much, or why...but my suspicions became more and more at the top of mind.

After a couple of weeks, I sent him a brief note...enough that he understood my need to communicate, but not enough that anyone else reading it would read anything sexual into it.  He finally responded.  Without saying it outright, he essentially confirmed my suspicions.  He said that he was afraid.  He felt things for me that he had never felt for a man before.  He was afraid to meet because of what it might do to him.

I was really pissed...mad as hell.  I had worried about his family, about his being discovered, and yet, the whole thing was about him being afraid he might actually love someone.  Since when is love a bad thing?  I mulled over it for a few days, and finally resolved to end it all with him.  That's when I sent him a note that simply said, "Good bye, T", blocked him, deleted his contact info, and tried to forget it had ever happened.

Last week, I saw his blocked account on A4A and unblocked him.  Never could hold a grudge.

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