Thursday, July 5, 2012

Is it time to tell the WHOLE truth?

This is not a happy post.  It is one that I am writing to "let off steam" and think, and the main reason I started this blog in the first place.
The brief story is that my ex no longer has enough money to live on because, frankly, she has not made wise decisions.  That should not be my fault, right?  But now, my daughter really needs a new phone and my ex won't sign up for it.  I offered my daughter that I will pay the extra for the new phone, but her mother needs to provide for what she has been paying to date [which was really all my money anyway].  So, the ex won't do that, insisting that she go on my plan, which means the ex expects me to pay it all.  [her way of avoiding expense].  The phone is minor, but a sign of things to come.

It will all come to a head soon, and it may also mean that I need to tell my kids more than they currently know about Dad [because ex is threatening it].  Do I tell them the truth?  Do I need to let them know that Dad was not getting any affection from Mom, but since he has always been faithful, he chose not to find another woman, but surf the net for some excitement?  And part of that surfing led him to straight and then bi, and gay sites.

To say that I am concerned about their reaction would be a gross understatement.

For the last two years, my middle son and I have grown very close [he lives with me] while the other kids [who live with mom] seem to always be fighting among themselves.  [note that all of them are of legal age except my daughter...just 14.]

I feel very good about what I have done for my family...what I have provided...they have never wanted for anything reasonable.  Like many other fathers, I felt I needed to provide more than my parents could, and I have.  They have all enjoyed a lot of things that we, growing up, never had.

Questions!!  Will they understand?  Will they kick their dad out of their lives?  or just lose respect?  Will they show up for Christmas?  Will they see how desperately their dad loves them and needs them?

Am I doing the right thing?  Should I do something different?

Should I just pay the damn phone bill and let this go until the next crisis?  I feel like this is just the beginning, that I will hear that threat from her every time she doesn't want to pay.

You know, sometimes life sucks.


  1. I'm not sure of who knows what or even if you know what. What (that's a lot of whats) I do know is that no matter how bad things go, they always go better when the truth is learned from the source.

    Talk to your kids. Tell them honestly and without hostility about how and why your marriage ended. Don't bash their mother but be honest, your kids are old enough that they know and know more then you think. Then tell them about your new life and what you're experiencing. Start with the one who you feel will react the best and then go from there.

    It won't be easy but it'll be easier then if they find out from your x or a stranger. Call PFlag or check them out online, they'll have resources.

    Good luck.

  2. I know you are right, Sean. Just not sure if I can do it.
    The situation has calmed for now, but I know it will be back.
    I will checkout