Saturday, February 9, 2013

Just Friends...REALLY

No one even looks at GRINDR unless they are looking for sex, right?  Not sure about you, but that was my primary reason for it.  But I have evolved just a bit.  I am not ALWAYS looking for sex, but am open to it if it happens.  Like I assume you are, my standards change at least a little from day to day and hour to hour depending on other circumstances like the degree of horniness, the relative need for companionship as fleeting as it can be, my overall mental state, and the time of the month [maybe not the month, but I do think even us men have our high and low periods of sexual need.

B is a nice looking guy, younger than me [almost everyone is], not quite my type, but on a given day ... One thing that was enticing about B was that he was close...2.8 miles according to GRINDR.  I saw him online from time to time for a few days, and then, while I was fueling up at WAWA, I noticed he was much closer...less than half a mile away...I had found the subdivision that he lived in.  We started a conversation, brief, and continued chatting for a few days.

He really didn't seem very interested in me, but always responded.  We had been chatting about running and exercise, and finally, one day, he told me he was going to be at a school track that was located between us...did I want to run with him?

When I got to the track, there was only one guy running, and I saw that it could be him.  He was about half way around the track, so I went through my stretching routine, and then eventually met up with him on the track.  We ran a bit, and talked a bit, ran a little more, and then finished up and walked back to our cars.  I was hoping he would invite me over or for a drink or something, but he just said it was great meeting, and we should do it again, and then left.

By the time of that meeting, I already knew a lot about his personal circumstances (partnered, between jobs, looking for mostly friends, out for a long time) and he knew about me as well.  He was/is the first out, gay guy who knew nearly all about me, at least about my gay tendencies. 

Our friendship has continued to grow in many ways, none of them sexual.  At this point, it is almost ludicrous to even think there could ever be a romantic relationship between us.  We are great friends [I think], but we are not lovers and will never be.  But, I do respect his opinions and his perspective.  When I told him about a weekend trip that I had been invited to, he blasted me and pointed out in his own sarcastic way that I was contemplating spending the night with a group of guys who I really didn't know, had never met, and did I really think that was a good idea?  Of course, he had to add that I should wear a toe tag so I would be easier to ID later.  [I went anyway!]

Why do I write this post?  I think it is important in my evolution.  So many of you have helped me, and advised that coming out is a process, not an event.  In some way, B has been a part of my process.


  1. B could be the most important relationship you have. I knew I was gay and had been having sex for years (hookups not dates) but it wasn't until I made my first out friend that I became comfortable enough to BE gay and come out.

    Steven was about as gay as they come, had a great partner and tons of friends. We never had sex and never would but he saw a fledgeling and took me under his wing. I didn't have the complications of having dated or been married and I was 30 but still having gay friends to help, support and lead the way is key.

  2. Sean is right. I started to feel more comfortable once I had friends who were gay that I would never have sex with. It made me feel "normal" again. By that I mean it started to no longer feel strange to be gay. I think that was the most important part of adjustment. I had reached point where I could say I was gay. But that didn't mean I liked it. Sort of liking accepting you had cancer. Now, I don't feel that way. I'm gay and it is more than okay. I won't say if I could chose to be straight I wouldn't. But some days, I do feel that being gay is better. I expect more of those as time goes on.

  3. Toe tags don't work. They end up getting sucked off.

  4. Cubby Cubby, what are we going to do with you?

    1. If by "with" you mean "to", then I think you know the answer to your own question.

  5. Could someone answer the question and let the rest of us in on the joke?