There is no theme to this post, just some unrelated thoughts. 
It is almost 2013.  In all my thoughts and recollections of growing up, I never ever thought that I would be saying that.  Even 2001 was far too far away to even consider as a possibility, and here we are a good decade past that one.  It's time for introspection.

I am nothing close to an expert on many things at all....in fact, the 'jack of all trades, master of none' describes me all too well.  Still, as I listen to the Sunday morning news shows, I realize that my personal beliefs do not coincide with either of the popular political parties.  Right or wrong, my personal beliefs are what they are, and they are clearly not aligned with our current president, our former president, nor most, if not all, of the Congress. 

I say this as I am listening to our 'leader' avoid any real issues, take any real positions, and predictably do the politically correct thing.  He consisting refuses to lead, instead taking the popular position.  One of the most significant rules of logic (or illogic) is that the majority opinion is not necessarily a correct one...an illogical argument.  Our elected officials (I refuse to call them leaders) apparently never had a course in Logic.  

I have rarely had the opportunity or the need for public assistance.  Because of this fact, I typically declined to take a firm stance on the need for those programs.  However, I am there now.  And without a congressional deal to avoid the 'fiscal cliff', I will lose some 'entitlements' [I hate that fucking term...it implies something that is owed].  I can now say, "Keep your fucking entitlements, stop the social programs, just leave private industry alone to create jobs so I can get back to work." 

We all have a tendency to seek, and support a single, simple solution to any problems.  Whether it is human rights, fiscal policy, public violence [aka, the sad events in CT], or a myriad of other problems, everyone is seeking that golden solution.  Get real, people.  There is no golden egg, no magic elixir, no easy solution.  It takes work, hard work, and dedication to being a real human...a caring individual who gets together with other caring individuals to become caring groups to make things happen.  I don't understand why we need assault weapons, but, alas, it is true that anyone who really wants to kill a bunch of people will find a way to do it.  Still, we have to treat the causes, not the symptoms. 

ENOUGH RANTING

On the fun front, it has been a dry few weeks, but one that was needed to put my life in perspective.  As I look back on the last year [or so], I have to thank a lot of guys who have become great friends.   Some I have met personally, and some I haven't.  But each of them has had an impact on my thoughts, my actions and my life.  A couple of them do read this blog, but most don't, or don't realize that I am talking about them.  I have kept this blog from my personal friends because there are things here that I cannot tell even them.  In fact, many of them have been discussed here.  Beyond all else, I am still a very private person with this blog serving to be a way to lay out my thoughts.  A special thanks to Sean from Just a Jeep Guy http://justajeepguydc.blogspot.com for his thoughts as well. 

I know now that I am looking for real friends first, despite what everyone says, there are good guys on the social apps....it's just really hard to find out which ones they are. 

TMI Thursdays

'TIS THE SEASON - WINTER VACATION
1. What is your favorite winter clothing item or outfit?

Ψ Definitely got to be ski apparel. 

2. Do you have plans for a winter vacation? When and where?
Ψ Not this year...just wish.
 3. Do you have a climate preference
Ψ I do really like the different seasons, so I am fine with some snow.  Don't really care for the bitter few weeks of sub zero weather, but you take the bad with the good.
 4. What do you like to do on your winter vacations?
Ψ Ski and then drink and cuddle, and fuck around the fireplace.  
 5. Do you unpack your suitcase or live out of it? Are there any items you never unpack?
Ψ It totally depends on the length of the vacation.  For just a day or two, probably just live out of the suitcase, but for longer, I unpack. 
 6. Essentials for an extra "fun" weekend? Would you take them through airport security?
Ψ Damn...never thought of that.  Hmmmmm.  It would be a challenge to get some of that stuff in, but if all else fails, then we just do it the old fashioned way...skin on skin.
BONUS
Last, Best, Worst or most fun vacation sex. Details. Details, Details.
Ψ This would be the time to have the great story, eh?  Truth is, the wildest times was with a group of ski clubbers in Park City, UT.  I have more fun stories to tell about winter, naked hot tub parties closer to home.  Somehow, that party was winding down in a snow storm with only four guys there, and they all claimed to be straight.    After two of them passed out, I ended up in bed naked with the other one, and he kept claiming that he wasn't gay...he was just cold.  Yeah, OK, guy.  Whatever you say!!!

Optional question--who would you like to vacation with...an extended period of time...anyplace you want...anyone...living, dead or even fictional...and what would you do?
Ψ It's my question, so I can answer it anyway I want, right?  So, I'm going to pick my family with some stipulations:  I want my dad for a day...we would go to a secluded beach and spend all day talking, eating, and just being together.  I would ask him all the things that I have wanted to ask for the last 20 years since he died.
I want each of my kids for a day each, alone...just one at a time.  We would go to different places...one to hike, camp, and cook in the mountains; one to NYC and spend the day exploring as many great things there that we can in a day;  one to Europe--Paris, Berlin, or London to explore; and one at the beach.  And as I think about this, I want the grandfather that they didn't know to be with us.

TMI Question Not Asked

The question that should have been asked!!!
What do you miss the most about Christmas's of the past?
-Being with my mother, father, grandmother, brothers and sister on Christmas day.  Getting up and finding Santa had been at my house.  Sharing our precious gifts...those we picked out so carefully for the ones we loved, and watching their faces when they opened them.  Feeling all warm and moist-eyed knowing that there was nothing but love in the house.

TMI Thursdays

THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS
1. Which religion or faith do you belong to, if any?  Originally a devout, strict protestant but not anymore. 
2. What is your opinion of seasonal greetings and salutations?  It's just being courteous.  Just like 'Good Morning', it is expected and nice to say, but meaningless.
3. Holiday music on the radio? Sure...I can turn that off. 
4. What is your policy for exchanging gifts?  Damn...a personal 'policy' for gifts?  No...I think that a gift should be given when it is truly meant.  And don't ever give me a gift card.  It's like charity, and I am not a fan. 
5. Gift cards/family update letters are...  See above for gift cards...family update letters are fine.  Doesn't torque me one way or the other.  I have one friend who makes the holiday letter entertaining, and I look forward to it.  It's more of a 'you won't believe how I fucked up last year' kind of thing.  As for the ones that list all of the great things that the kids have done, or how they are gonna be the next prez...I won't do it, and I can just throw it away after a few minutes.  Let them brag...doesn't hurt.
6. Christmas cards are... a thing of the past.  When it became essential to give, then it became worthless.  I send them to people that I love and want to love me...only.  And it's a personal card, not one written by Hallmark and gilded by the local printer.
7. Snow is... for skiing.  Love it.  But, I love nature, so it is to be expected.  Even storms...reminds us of how miniscule we really are.
8. Have you been a good little boy or girl?  Yes.  I am always good.
9. RAPID FIRE FAVORITES:
     1. Food -  anything, unfortunately.
     2. Dessert - cheesecake, but only NY style, and homemade.
     3. Song - something romantic...lots of them.  But for Christmas songs, I do love the Hallelujah chorus singing Handel's Messiah.
     4. Movie - The Santa Clause
     5. Tradition -  Helping others at Christmas...volunteer.

BONUS
Christmas sex: What have you done under the mistletoe? Have you caught daddy kissing Santa Clause? Have you done it a santa suit? Did you come down the chimney? Just how merry have you made Santa's helpers?  I'm not gonna get the bonus...nothing in my past regarding Christmas sex, but I have done my damnedest to make my special person to have a first climax of the new year as soon as possible after the new year...as the ball drops if I can arrange it. 

Inspiration

Need inspiration?  Remember this one?  Happy tears.
Britain's Big Surprise

Confessions?

Reflections
The last several months have been revealing for me personally.  I have grown tremendously, and I don't mean literally [in fact, I lost weight that I was very happy to get rid of].  I have, however, looked at myself differently than ever before, and with what I think is a clearer view of myself, who and what I am.  I had been living in a 'make-believe' world that was full of unrealistic expectations of myself and many of those around me.  I was very egocentric, unable to realistically understand my place in the world around me, expecting others to think more of me than they do or should.  I also had what I now think is an unrealistic expectation that others are inherently good, that people mean to be good even if they don't end up there.

All of these things made me trust others, often without any realistic justification.  I have certainly learned that I have been very wrong at times.  On the other hand, I also know there are some very good people in this world.  I am more careful not to jump to either conclusion too rapidly. 

I also know that government [the law] is not always logical, nor is it always right.  A certain degree of unscrupulousness is needed to keep from getting steamrolled in this world.  I am not at all happy about reaching this conclusion, but it has been proven numerous times over the last 2 years. 

However, I do know better what I want although not entirely sure how to get there. 

WHAT DO I WANT?

My interactions over the last few years have proven to me that I want-- I need --someone to love, to care for, to fawn over.  I also need that same someone to treat me the same way.  True love is achieved only when both feel they are getting more than they are giving. 

I have a very close female friend who I tell almost everything to.  She doesn't know about this blog, or the escapades that I have enjoyed with men.  She cares very much for me, and I for her.  We have sex when we are together, but I don't do it for the sex, I do it for her, because she enjoys it.

I have several male friends, but none that cross over between the straight group and the gay group.  There is one gay man who has become very close...strictly platonic.  He would be the closest thing to a 'best bud' that I have.  He knows what I like, who I like, all about my gay escapades and my straight ones.  He has met two of my kids although neither is aware of how much he and I talk.  He also tells me about his desires, his 'partner' issues, and at least some of his shortcomings.  When he recently left town for a couple of months of work out of the area, I truly felt alone.  And, his partner knows all about me...no secrets...but then we are platonic friends, so there is really nothing to reveal.
I spent months exploring every guy who would let me, only to finally realize that it was not satisfying me longer than the hour or so we were together. 

In the last few months I have met a few guys who I looked at as LTR material.  I really fell for one, only to realize too late that he didn't feel the same way.  It's not the first time I made that mistake, and probably won't be the last, but it does seem to get a little easier to deal with each time.

But, I continue to search, just not with the fever and fervor that I had before...   as one of my former best friends caution me...slow down, you run like a gazelle. 

Until next time on the couch ...

Sean's TMI Thursdays

Sean from  http://justajeepguydc.blogspot.com suggests TMI Thursdays with questions for various readers to answer and post.  This week ....
SOCIAL MEDIA
Social Media is everywhere and linked to everything - blogs, FaceBook, Twitter, iTunes, Apps for: hooking up, shopping, banking, photo albums, music, and so much more. How plugged are you and how do you feel about it???

1. Mac or PC?
PC, but only because of cost.
2. How plugged in are you and why?
Gay blogs and apps for obvious reasons.  Facebook big time, LinkedIn for the job market, some twitter, but not much.
3. What would do if you were completely unplugged for a month?
I would probably go nuts unless I could find a way to get plugged in physically.
4. Low Self esteem issues aside, if a pic of you turned up on a site like TapThatGuy, Hot or Not or People of Walmart, how would you react?
If it showed up on TapThatGuy, I would be proud and let everyone know about it.  If it was a 'people of Wal*Mart, then I know it would be a fake cause I never go in those cesspools.
5. FaceBook is....
-Fun
-nice to keep in touch
-something that I enjoy seeing but if I miss a few days or a week-I am fine with that
-taken way too seriously by a few
-a good way to find old friends
-a good way to find hot guys sometimes...all g-rated [mostly g-rated]
6. List at least 5 of the social Apps you are on:
Facebook
LinkedIn
Grindr
Growlr
Scruff
Twitter
Jack'd
Silverdaddies 

BONUS
What question did you think of that could have been asked?
Is there a social app that should be developed, but isn't yet?

Sean's TMI Thursday

LOTTO FEVER - WHAT WOULD YOU DO OR NOT DO?
1. FOR YOUR FAMILY
-Tough one.  I really do care about my family.  It is number one on my list of priorities.  I have also learned that when something is freely given, it is sometimes thought by the recipient to be worth what the recipient paid for it...and it was free.  I have seen my brothers and my parents work very hard for what they had, only to give it to other family in need, but the gift was rarely appreciated for what it was, and for the work that went into it.
Therefore, I would have to do a lot of thinking about how to make my family comfortable and treat them well, but make it appreciated also.  I am not sure I can do that alone, so I guess I would seek professional advice from several others on how to dole out what is needed by my family, and do it in a way that was appreciated.
2. FOR YOUR FRIENDS OR AN EX'S
-Friends are next in line, after family.  I don't feel quite the dedication to them.  But, I would like to make them comfortable also.  I would love to start a foundation, of sorts, that loans interest free money to those who want to work for it...kind of like many company IRA's are...matching donations.
Ex's get nothing.  What's the old saying, "If you can't handle the worst of me, you can't have the best of me" or something like that.
3. FOR YOURSELF
- Some dental work that is quasi-optional first.  A personal trainer also.  And a vacation spot in the mountains somewhere, so that I and my friends can ski every winter and return to a nice place with a wood burning fireplace for the evening.  Then, a vacation spot in warm weather too.  Most of my joy comes from seeing others happy, and everything I might do would be done with that in mind.
Oh, yeah...and, anything that Adam Levine asks for.  
4. FOR CHARITY
 -  Lots...most of it actually.  And I don't want my name on anything...just want to make sure the money is used for what is needed most.  I would be making most of these decisions, but would setup a group of my friends to advise me. 
5. FOR REVENGE
-  None.  Besides withholding it from those who don't deserve it. 
6. FOR PURE EVIL (NO BACKING OFF THIS ONE)
-  Couldn't do it.  It's not me.  

Sean's TMI Thursday

Happy THANKSGIVING

1. Do you travel or stay local? Family or Friends? Host or Guest?
 We have done a little of both...when the kids were really small, it was a trip home for a feast with the extended family.  Not so much anymore, and with all of the turmoil in my immediate family right now, it is really tough to get things going.  I prefer to host a large gathering of family and any close friends that might need a little love.  Last year was pretty satisfying...I volunteered at a kitchen and spent half the day helping others...worked my can off in the kitchen, but I loved it.  Except for the other dozen or so people working in the kitchen, no one ever saw me there or knew what I had done....and that was OK with me.
This year, a small family gathering at my place, if I can get them here, and then out of town for the weekend.  I still get to fix a scratch apple pie, but I'm skipping the pumpkin pie this year for a chocolate cream pie.
2. Parade: Love it? Leave it? Never let it go?
The parade was always a lot of fun, especially with the kids.  Last year, there were a couple of band students from the High School in the Macy's band and that made it exciting too.  This year, my grandson will be here and I will make sure he watches it.
3. Favorite Food?
I like the whole thing.  Turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy is a must, sweet potatoes, brussel sprouts, stuffing, and several desserts.
4. Favorite holiday movie or do you watch football?
Football.
5. If you do holiday decorations, for which holiday and when?
Decorate only for Christmas...start around now and take them down shortly after Christmas.
6. Black Friday. Thoughts? Feelings? Soapbox?
Hate it.  Leave me out.  Never go, never will.  You'll see me Christmas shopping along side Loki in mid to late December.

Bonus
People traditionally give thanks on Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for?
 Health.  
The last few years have been very difficult, and I am unsure about the next few as well.  I am not comfortable without a plan, and there is none right now.  But, I am closer to one of my sons now than I have ever been, and I am thankful for that.  My grandson has potential, and I want to help him reach that potential.  But, I have to find a way to resolve my inner conflict ,and get happy with myself. 

An update

It's been a while since I added anything of any consequence to the blog...except, of course, for Sean's TMI Thursday responses.  I have been trying to understand myself better, to figure out what I really want.  I suppose, at my age, it's about time. 

After several months of just hooking up with whoever was around (to a degree...although I did use some discretion), I have realized that those hookups are really not very satisfying.  Yeah, it's fun to get off, but certainly nothing to be proud of. 

Plus, I found someone I really like.  It may or may not work out with him, but, regardless, I already like myself better and feel less like a slut.  I have always been one to commit to something, whether that is an idea, a candidate, a gal, and why should a guy be any different.  If this works out, I will be out of the market.  I really want that....want someone I trust who trusts me.  I hope to always want to look, but I won't be touching if we agree on that. 

Wish me luck.

My other issue is what to do about my family and friends.  I'm not out to any of them.  I don't want to live like that any more, but, frankly, I'm concerned about the reaction.  Truthfully, I have a number of other personal issues in my family that also affect what happens, but it would not be fair to my family members to discuss those here. 







As of now, my new BF and I have had a few dates, and spent a lot of time on IM and the phone.  I won't be talking about our sexcapades on here or anywhere because I am too traditional for that.  We have a date on Friday in DC...he is visiting friends there, and invited me to join him.  I really want to do that.  It will be fun. 

Later...

TMI Answers

I'M NOT GETTING OLDER...I'M GETTING BETTER


Sean from http://justajeepguydc.blogspot.com/ has been doing TMI Thursday where he asks questions for his readers to answer in comments, or in their own blog.  For this week....  

1. When did you first know you were an adult?

When my son was born.  It really set in then...of course there have been numerous times when I still don't act like it.

2. Where were you when you first thought, "I'm old!"

It first hit me after I was separated from my wife and started to look for someone for comfort.  I suddenly realized that no one my age held any interest for me.  And, likewise, assumed they all felt the same way.  I soon learned that there are a lot of younger men who like older guys.  It's a whole culture.  Thankfully.

3. What was your best year?

• This is a tough one.  I like to think that it is yet to come.  But if I had to pick, it would be 1986. Had a ton of fun, lots of great friends, learned to snow ski and had a blast, and met someone I really liked a lot.

4. Have you become your parents?

Sometimes I have, but not exactly. 

5. Gray hair:

 - Is it sexy?  Of course it is...on the right package.

- How much do you have and where? Way more than I like to admit to.  I guess I can say I still have some dark hair.

          - Where is the best or worst place you have it? The beard, for sure.

Bonus
How is sex different now?

Sex is great, actually much better than it ever was.  But now, it's not just an orgasm, but a whole event.  The orgasm is just a bit of icing at the end. 

Get out the hanky

Sean's TMI Thursdays

STOP AND COUNT
1. the # of homes you have lived in the: Longest? Best? Worst?

The "family" home that I lived in took me until I was 18.  That was the longest....the family then moved, with me, about 3 miles away, but still close to everything I knew.  My brother had to change High schools, but it was  not an issue for me.  I then lived in a variety of places during college...I really don't count those.  Then it was 7 apartments in 10+ years until I bought my first home.  It was the best deal I ever made in real estate.  Bought really low and sold high.  It was 5 'family' homes in 25 years then moving for the job.  And now, a 'single' family home for me.  So, not too many, but enough.  The Best was my childhood home.  Not sure if it was the home or the childhood that I miss.  The worst was one of the many apartments.  They all seemed so alike. 

2. the # of cars you had: the best?

My first car was a 1967 Volkswagen Beetle.  It was the most fun.  The clutch cable came unhooked during my first few years, and I drove it for several months without one.  It was fun trying to explain to my dates why I had to turn the car off at red lights.  Then, after getting a real job, I had an Oldsmodile Cutlass with T-tops/moon roof...it was dark blue with white leather interior.  A real hot looking car.  Then a Pontiac Grand Prix ... the smaller body style...brown with really nice interior...loved that car...a deer was too attracted to it though.  Then, the usual mini-vans, and other crap cars for the family while I drove a crap company car.  In all, I have probably owned about 15 cars, but the best was the first...that little VW Bug.  Even though it scalded your ankles and left the rest of your body freezing in winter.  

3. the approximate # of sexual encounters you have had.

I was kind of a late bloomer too...first one was at age 18 or so...lots of kissing and fondling before then, but nothing else.  However, once I got started, I made up for lost time.  I once counted, at about age 25, and I had fucked over 40 women and a few men by then.  I'm sure I am in triple digits by now.  The last year has been another 'slut phase' as one buddy calls it.  Probably 30 or 40 either anal or oral sex.  I'm not particularly proud of that, but it is what it is.  However, during my marriage, I was monogamous.   

4. the # of siblings you have. Your #?

I am number 2 of 4...older brother, younger brother and sister...so I am truly that middle child and have all of the baggage that goes with 'middle child syndrome'. And, if you don't know what this is, read about it.  http://middlechildpersonality.com/middle-child-syndrome/

5. the # of careers you have had: Best? Worst?

I have only had one career, not counting a few jobs during college...Management.  And, even counting the jobs in college, I have only worked for 5 companies.  The names of them changed as they were bought out by others, but only really those 5 companies.  One was a small, single store company during college, the others were large national or regional companies.  I liked them all for a time, and didn't like them at some specific times.  I never had to do the McDonalds type job...the 'lowest' was a convenience store clerk, but it wasn't bad...I had great hours. 

6. the # of music albums you have. (all formats combined)

I have never been a music collector or very good at knowing all the artists.  I probably only have ever bought about 200 albums/CDs/Cassettes/iPhone.

7. the # of operations you have had.

Major auto accident caused 6 major operations over a month.  An industrial accident broke my radius and ulna [2 operations].  

Bonus
the # of significant others you have been in love with.

WOW, Sean.  This is a tough one.  You described this as being questions that are difficult to answer, revealing, and embarrassing, and these are.  It is very difficult for me to answer because I am not really sure what being in love really means.  I am going with 4...and two of them hurt me very badly.  I have forgiven one, but not the other.  The other two are guys...one has no clue that I feel so close to him [I secretly think he might, but he will never go there].  The other might have worked out, but I was not ready for that in my life.  

SEAN's TMI Thursdays

Sean from http://justajeepguydc.blogspot.com/ has been doing TMI Thursday where he asks questions for his readers to answer in comments, or in their own blog.  For this week....  

GAMES PEOPLE PLAY
1. What were your favorite games as a kid?
Kick the can, ghost in the graveyard, and a lot of board games...monopoly, checkers, chinese checkers, chess, scrabble.
2. Which Monopoly piece best describes you?
The cannon...cause I can go off quickly if conditions are right.  
3. Ever play Doctor?
Oh, yes.  Just last week.  A Proctologist.
4. How are you at Strip Poker?
Terrible.  I don't wear enough pieces of clothing to have enough on to ante.  And, I just give up pretty quick and start undressing everyone.
5. Best time for solving Rubik's Cube?
Never done it.
6. Rock, Paper, Scissors? or Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock?
Rock, paper, scissors.  Can get too fancy.
7. Do you still play board games with friends? Which ones?
Not really...but we do play Words with Friends which is almost like playing scrabble.

Bonus
What role-playing games do you play in the bedroom?
Only two...we play Dr. and we play Daddy/Son.  (Unless you count 'hide the weenie').

Sean's TMI Thursday

Sean from http://justajeepguydc.blogspot.com/ has been doing TMI Thursday where he asks questions and asks his readers to answer them in comments, or here in their blog.  For this week....  
1. Dogs are...
...great friends, unbelievably smart, a great comfort who never talks back, valuable.
2. My boyfriend is...
...non-existent.  
3. I love...
...to cuddle, to make a guy feel good, my kids regardless of how they act, a guy who loves me for me, my fantastic friends who stand by me when I really need it, a sunny fall day, to cry sometimes.
4. I hate...
...politics, stupid people, to be alone, my ex for all good reasons, liars and those who only choose to hurt, pessimists.
5. I need...
...a true friend, to be strong at the right times, to be weak at the right times, a lover, another beer.
6. I am...
...a fucking mess.  But a lovable one.
Bonus
Sex is...
...fun, but making love is where it's at.

Followup to the followup

Followup to the previous two posts:
11:50  
HIM:  Daddy want his dick sucked?
HIM:  Can only come now.
ME:  Come on.
HIM:  OK be there in 10.
ME:  I'm headed to the shower, let yourself in the side door, and lock it after you get in.
HIM:  OK
12:05
Get your shirt off and get on your knees, handsome.

It's a damned nice day, isn't it.

followup to Writing In The Glow

So I have this great time that I wrote about in the previous post with the built, young buck playing his daddy.  I share my story with my neighboring gay bud who can tell that I am close to being obsessed.  OK, maybe close is not correct...maybe closer than close.  As real buds do, he brings me down to earth (although not slowly, but--he was right).  "It's a great time, but it won't last.  Don't get all excited only to be let down later."

OK...so I think about it and agree with him.  Still....we had a great time...both of us.  The ensuing conversation [texting] went like this:
ME:  I had a really great time yesterday, thanks.
HIM:  I did too.  Did you see how hard I was?
ME:  What turned you on the most?
HIM:  Everything.  I loved what you did to me.
ME:  What could have been better?
At this point, there was no response for a long time...10 minutes or more.
ME:  Seriously, I want to know.  I can take it.
HIM:  I really really get turned on by muscle daddies.
Well, I am not a muscle daddy...on the fat side of that, def.  So, I am deflated, but it really was not unexpected.  So, I am OK with it.  I just keep remembering what my bud said--it was a great time...enjoy it.

I still think about him over the weekend, but with things in a better perspective.  But, he is so fucking hot.  Phew!!!

On Monday, I just have to communicate with him, say hello, etc.
ME:  Hi.  I just wanted to thank you again for last week.  I know I'm not the muscle daddy you really want, but you have to know that you made an old guy very happy.  Thanks again.  And if you ever want to do that again, you know you just have to ask.  Have a great week.
It wasn't a minute before I get this response:
HIM:  We'll def play again.

:-)  Damn, that makes a guy feel good.

Writing While Still In The GLOW...

I have really been in the dumps lately.  Maybe it's the change of seasons, the full moon we just had, or something else.  I really have no explanation.  But I know what the cure is...
He is about 5-11, 165 lbs, and handsome as any movie star.  His name is B....  He started out the text with a question.  "Are you really from Ohio?"  But when I heard, "Love the whole daddy boy thing,"  I suddenly became much more interested.  He told me he is married, but needs a little extra sometimes.
A few missed connections due to circumstances out of our control got things delayed, but this morning, about 8:00, when I was horny as hell, and said I really wished he had time for lunch today, he said he had a lunch meeting but could work in something at 11.  I almost passed on it, but his pics were nice looking and I just couldn't pass.
So I showered, and, at his request, found a shirt and tie to wear to 'look more like dad', I guess.
Then, he got lost on his way here.  Who doesn't have a GPS?  I found him at the local CVS and had him follow me home.  I was starting to get pissed at all of the screwups, but ... When he stepped out of the car, I was so impressed, I forgot about any problems at all.  I even had trouble getting the key in the door lock to open it.  I was actually shaking.  I haven't been that way in decades.  He is beautiful. Was I dreaming?

Getting in the scene, after we went inside, I kissed him, and got to see how beautiful he really is.  I then told him to remove his shirt so DAD could see how he had developed.  He stripped his shirt off showing me a mostly smooth body with a great chest and abs. "Do you want to see Daddy's cock?," I asked. He looked at me with the most beautiful blue eyes, looked into my soul, and nodded.  I had him unzip my dress pants, and pull my cock out through the zipper.  He was so very careful not to catch my skin on the zipper, it was beautiful.

He got on his knees as I told him to "Lick it!"

He looked up at me, and looked at my cock admiringly before nearly swallowed the expanding organ...filling his mouth.

After a minute, I told him to grab his clothes and follow me to the bedroom.

The next 30 minutes are a bit of a blur for me.  I had 'son' laying on his back on the bed with his head hanging off the edge while I fed him...it was great for me and he later told me he loved it too.  I loved looking at his chest, his abs, his cock, his legs, and his feet while I was skull fucking him.  At one point, I was rubbing my dick up and down his ass crack, making it very difficult not to just plunge it inside him.  He has such a beautiful, small, tight, firm ass.  He said he couldn't bottom today.  I finally just couldn't resist, and while we were 69ing with me on the bottom, I started rubbing my goatee on his ass crack.  It drove him nuts.  We both came all over me then.

Many guys, especially married ones, start pulling back at that point, feeling guilty, I think, not really wanting to touch or kiss or even acknowledge your existence.  Just get dressed and get the fuck out of there.  But he didn't.  We talked, we showered, and talked some more.

This is not him, but imagine the most
beautiful face on this body. 

Then, he dropped a bomb shell.  I didn't see it coming at all.  He is gay, not married, but in a relationship with a partner.  It blew me away.  I guess it really doesn't change much...I always knew he had a commitment to someone, but for some reason, it seemed a lot different.


We may not repeat the performance.  In fact, if we ever see each other out [which is quite possible in a small city like Richmond], we will not even acknowledge that we know each other...but for today....it was enough to clear up the blues.

Sean's TMI Thursdays

Sean from http://justajeepguydc.blogspot.com/ has been doing TMI Thursday where he asks questions and asks his readers to answer them in comments, or here in their blog.  For this week....  
WHO YOU GONNA CALL?
1. What kind of smart phone do you have?
iPhone
2. Necessity, accessory or my right arm?
Right arm.
3. Top three favorite apps?
Many apps....tough to choose.  eMail for sure, GRINDR or GROWLR, others are pretty much tied...banking app, weather, Amazon, Starbucks.  I use it for just about everything but GPS.
4. How much do you use your smart phone for calling, texting and data (email, games, movies)?
Constantly...all day, every day.
5. Phone sex? Sextxting? Hookup apps?
No phone sex really, some sexting, and hookup apps.
6. Has your smart phone replaced your camera?
Yes.  Never was much of a photographer, and the iPhone made it easier.

Bonus
It's 3 am. Who do you call?
That's a tough one...I guess it depends on the circumstances.  Maybe one of my kids, maybe an old friend from college, but I want it to be that guy who I am about to meet to take me away from all of this, and give me a reason to delete those hookup apps on my phone.

A DC Visit

I had the opportunity to spend an afternoon in DC this past Sunday....and it was a very interesting day.  As it worked out, a friend of mine [we will call Sam] was available on short notice to meet for lunch.  I have been to DC a number of times, although not a regular visitor.  But Sam is a veteran of the area having worked
there for several years.

While waiting for him to finish up a few things and meet me, I parked near DuPont Circle, sat in my car, and started cruising GRINDR and GROWLR.  I had no plans to actually hook up, but was intrigued with the number of guys on both sites, and the variety of each.  Had some interesting conversations, and if I actually lived there, it would have been a great way to get introduced to some local guys.

I finally shut down the iPhone and headed out to walk around...it was a beautiful Sunday in DC, sunny but not hot or humid...a rare treat for the swamp where we built our National Capitol.  It was so much fun to walk around where no one prejudges anyone due to their sexuality.  I soon realized that no one really needs GRINDR or similar hook up apps here.  Just be yourself, be friendly, nice and most everyone else will be too.  It is not uncommon to sight guys holding hands, and just acting normal.

I finally met up with Sam, stopped for a marginal lunch burger at a local restaurant, and then spent an hour or so just walking around the place.  I will be back.  So much fun just being where everyone is a lot more understanding and supportive.  Next time, a local hotel and hit up some nightlife.

Sean's TMI Thursday

Sean from http://justajeepguydc.blogspot.com/ has been doing TMI Thursday where he asks questions and asks his readers to answer them in comments, or here in their blog.  For this week....  
DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!
1. Are you a cheap date?

No. That's not to say I'm not cheap, either.  If I try, I can drink all day and most of the night.  Well, I used to be able to without feeling it so much, now it just takes longer to recover.  

2. What is your favorite drink? (you can have different ones for different occasions)

Beer...draft beer to be exact, best at a brewpub.  Except for early morning, then I'll go for a mimosa or a bloody mary, and then a beer.  Then maybe a margarita-rocks with salt, or a Tanquere and tonic, or a ...OK...just whatever you got in the bar, let me try it. 

3. Worst experience?

A teen experience...19 or so, with two of my best friends, got so drunk that I actually shit my pants.  Wow...never do that again.  

4. Beer goggles?

Way too many experiences to pick out the one I am most embarrassed about.  Going down on a girl who was on her period when I didn't realize it, or the time I tried to pick up a straight guy in a bar...not realizing he was straight.  I'm lucky I didn't get my ass beat for that one.

5. Whats the funniest thing you've done while drinking?

Well...since I was always the drunk one, I am not the one to ask that question.  Haven't a clue.

Bonus
Ever drunk dial?

Lots, but nothing funny enough to remember or brag about.  

Grow Up

For the record, I have never told this story to any of my friends....to anyone actually.  You are the first.

When I was a kid [probably around 11], I can vividly remember when a 17-18 year old guy [a high school senior] came to our city park, hired by the city, to 'supervise' the kids for the summer.  You know, just keep everyone safe from hurting everyone else, bring the checkers and the balls, and generally just be a good guy.  He was SOoooo hot.  Even then, I realized how really great looking this guy was.  That was back in the days when weejuns and tight fitting, pegged, dark blue jeans were in.  That's what he wore the first time I saw him.  I don't remember what kind of car he drove, only that it was cool [although I didn't use that term then].  He wore the weejuns without socks, of course...that was what the really cool guys did then.  Even then, I wanted him to take those shoes off, to let me see his bare feet, but, of course, it never happened.

I still remember his name...but won't repeat it here.  And, although he was only about 6 years older, to me at that time, he was a real man--grown up--and super hot.  Unfortunately, he was only there for a few weeks, and then we got a slightly plump [she was fat] gal a few years older than him.  She was super nice, but nothing to look at.  I still liked her though.

As fate would have it [this was a fairly small city in Ohio], my path crossed the hot guys path a few years later although he and I never personally met again.  I was in college by then, and met a gal there who was a few years older than me, and, it turned out, used to be married to him.  I think he knocked her up, and had to get married, but then they divorced for possession of the wedding cake.  I ended up being pretty good friends with her although she was a couple of years older than me.  And, of course, I met her son briefly...my dream guy's son too.  'Older-hot-guy" didn't seem so much older than me by then.

By the time I was 30, I had played around with quite a few guys.  I always liked them younger [legal, but younger], even then.  A 22 year old when I was 30 didn't seem like he was really that young to me.  But, I am pretty sure he thought I was an old man.  LOL...how things change.

The next couple of decades, as I was approaching my 50s, the years seemed to fly by very quickly.  There were kids and other family things keeping me occupied, and I really never played around then.  But, still, there were a few guys that I did look at, and I looked at them quite a bit.  Always younger.  One in particular was especially hot.  Although I was faithful to my marriage vows, if I thought he would have agreed, I probably would have broken those vows for him. Fortunately, I was sure he wouldn't and I couldn't potentially screw up a friendship for a fling that had little chance of actually happening.

Time hasn't slowed down for me as I would guess for you either.  Now I look at those 18 year olds, and realize they are far too young, even if they had the urge, to play with an old man like me.  If my maturity-level and growth is any indication, it will be another 5-10 years before they really understand life.  But, that is just me, and I suspect others hit that time in their life when they truly understand themselves and what they want, at very different times.  In fact, even at my age, I am not always sure what I really want.

So....here I am.  A 25 year old in a 50+ body.  A body that is showing the erosion of age.  It has been fairly well taken care of, mostly, but not as well as some others.  Fortunately, most of the bad things that I have done to it [or allowed to be done to it], have been in small doses, and it has been able to recover from most of those.  And, despite what I see when I look in the mirror, I still crave those 25 year olds.

I don't want to grow up...Anymore than I am.   Can't we just pause time for a while?  Let me get my bearings, get some things straightened out [no pun intended], and then, when all is right, get on with our lives?

Frustrating.

Who is your favorite? Or Friend List?

Picking up an idea from another blogger, I want to tell you who is on my 'Star' list.  You know, the way you 'Star' someone on GRINDR to make them a favorite.  Or in Adam4Adam, you make them a friend so you can easily see if he is online or not.
Because GRINDR lists them closest to furthest, I will do that too.  But, they change often...at least weekly, sometimes daily...depending on what's happening.
1.  Me...on GRINDR, you always appear first because, you are closest to yourself, right?
2.  My friend, B.  A platonic relationship, he is out, partnered, a bit quirky, and I really enjoy chatting with him and running around with him.
3.  Another friend, 18 YO, college student, starting hitting me up a few months back, 'just looking for someone to chat with'.  OK, so we chat, share pics and some stories, but he is too young for a sexual relationship.
4.  Unnamed.  My age, and wants to meet up.  We just haven't found a mutual time to make it work.
5.  Unnamed also.  A bit younger, but a willing bottom.  We were supposed to meet today for the first time, but I have been a bit under the weather so delayed until next week.
6.  Flip...written about him before. A standard, good for a fuck whenever we are both around.  He lives a bit far away, but works close.
7.  Mmmmm...my date for this weekend.  Great guy, lives near DC and is coming in tomorrow for the weekend.  Can't wait to see him again.
8.  J.  Chatted quite a bit with him for several months.  A 'swimmers build' kind of guy, married, handsome, mid-40s, living in WV.  Haven't met up with him, but hope to on one of my trips that way.
9.  D.

It's Fall

Love this cooler weather.  There is something very comforting in snuggling between nice soft sheets with a down comforter on top, keeping me warm.  I would much rather have a warm man with me, but I'll take the down comforter until I find the guy [which, BTW, I expect to find this weekend...I GOTTA DATE!!!].

Oh, and about that date.  It's the guy I wrote about a few weeks back.  The 43 YO with whom I had a really pretty great time.  He called me Friday, and wanted to plan something for this weekend, so we did.  I think I will splurge a bit, and hope that it turns out well.  I am very confident.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch!!  I haven't been active lately at all.  Just not quite feeling like I want to go out and explore much.  Although I did find a guy Saturday night who was a lot of fun.  It was one of those meet-ups that was disappointing at first.  You know, the kind where the expectations far outweigh the actual live body when you first see him?  But, instead of writing it off, I decided to chat with him a bit, and have a drink before bailing.

As it turned out, we had a pretty nice time.  He isn't my first pick, but he is a real person, and has real needs, and is very earnest about it.  Plus, I must admit that anytime a guy truly admires my dick, I let him.  Just makes me feel good.

It saddens me that a few of my blogger buddies have had some rough times recently.  Loki from http://lokis-log.blogspot.com/ for one.  And some really good news from Sean at http://justajeepguydc.blogspot.com/ although it seemed like a rough year to get to this point.  Read about it on their blogs.

This guy could make my day anytime.

Happy Autumn to all.

Sean's TMI Thursday

Sean from http://justajeepguydc.blogspot.com/ has been doing TMI Thursday where he asks questions and asks his readers to answer them in comments, or here in their blog.  For this week....  
1. Do you still go to the movies? Why or Why not.
Occasionally, but rarely.  Just too many other options to see a good movie.
2. Would you go by yourself?
Not crazy about seeing a movie alone.  No.
3. What was the last movie you saw? Recent recommendation?
The Avengers.  The kids made me go.  I thought it was a movie about a British spy team.
Recommend?  Yeah, if you like a lot of action with not much of a plot.
4. Snacks: Buy, Bring or Boycott?
Buy a drink but the rest of that crap is really bad for you.
5. Teenagers used to go to the movies to make out. Have you ever and if so, when was the last time?
Sure, but not to a movie theater, we did that at the drive-in theater...shows you how old I am.  But, I never got to home plate there, but to third base quite often, with a gal.
6. Have you ever gone to an adult movie theater? Did you pull a Pee Wee Herman?
Never been.
Bonus
Which all-time favorite movie would you pay to see on the big screen again? Of course cell phones, babies, and assholes are banned.
I'm not much of a movie guy, as you can tell, but I absolutely loved WHERE EAGLES DARE, the 1968 movie with Richard Burton and Clint Eastwood that was set in Germany during WWII.

Back in the Saddle

It doesn't take long to get out of a funk.  Just need the right guy(s) to help with it.

Friday night was a real bust...had an evening without obligations, and surely I could find someone who wanted a little fun...but it was not to be.

Saturday...in a real funk...really just expected to read a little, GRINDR a little, and maybe hit the porn sites.  I just love it when I have no expectations of a hookup and I find one.  And, he turned out to be a really nice one...43 YO who was in town visiting some family, but at a hotel for the evening.  He invited me over, and, of course, I went.  No expectations...we did not even discuss sexual preferences.  I really just wanted some company.

We spent more than the typical time talking...family, hometowns, BFs, [or not], and even some sports [he wasn't much of a fan].
Our drinks were empty [I brought one with me] and it was time for a bathroom break as well.  After my time in the bathroom, I turned around and looked at him.  He looked like he really needed a kiss.  I was right...he did.

I spent the night.
We made each other very happy.
It was fun...although we didn't get much sleep [was it fun BECAUSE we didn't get much sleep?].

Exchanged phone numbers, and then even agreed to meet for coffee after showers, and on his way out of town.  For an hour or so, I thought he had bailed on me, but he finally called, and had just fallen asleep in the chair.  I am pretty sure we will see each other again.  He is a great guy.

Monday morning, a great guy from Tennessee was visiting [and yes, he even had orange underwear... a true VOL fan.]  His profile said TNcocksucker.  ...and he lived up to his profile.  ...a really great kisser, and a superb cocksucker.

Then, a regular guy...my favorite guy in the world...wanted to stop by.  He had grown a goatee and a beard...short...looked fantastic.  Another great kisser.  I sleep tonight a happy, sated man.

No, it wasn't Michael Weiss....but just as great looking.  

When it rains, it pours.

THINGS A GUY NEEDS TO KNOW TO GET ALONG IN THE GAY WORLD

1.  How to act interested without seeming desperate.
2.  How to learn GAYDAR.
3.  Learn that 'Sure, we should do that sometime' actually means 'No way, bro.'
4.  Understand that even though a guy is OUT, he has a problem other OUT guys knowing his first name.
5.  Don't take rejection personally.
6.  Understand that every interaction has a very slim chance of culminating in anything real.
7.  Realize that not every gay man is nice, and not every straight guy is an ass.
8.  Remember, when a married guy starts telling you how in love he is with you, he doesn't mean it.

I'm sure you guys can add more than this.  How about it?

Sean from http://justajeepguydc.blogspot.com/ has been doing TMI Thursday where he asks questions and asks his readers to answer them in comments, or here in their blog.  For this week....  

1. What is your plan for a good first date? 
Typically has included dinner of some sort...maybe a nice restaurant...not super fancy or expensive...just a nice local place that has really great food.  Then a nightcap...share a bottle of wine...in front of the fire in the winter...and spend the rest of the evening chatting, touching, getting comfortable.
2. Where do you go looking for dates, not hookups? Do you even date?  
I have had a little success getting dates from the hookup sights, but just a little.  Aside from that, I have no avenue for dating.  I do date some...not as much as I would like.
3. Sex on the first date?
Maybe.  But not necessary.  I do expect a kiss or two.
4. For those married or in a LTR, do you have Date Nights?
N/A
5. Have you ever been set up on a blind date? How'd it go?
I have refused.

Wanted: FRIENDS

Taking a break.
Yep...decided to back off a little.  Not from the sex, just from writing about it.  

I seem to have a lot of personal issues...issues with self esteem and self confidence.  Is that typical?  Do others suffer with similar bouts of depression?  

I have met some really great guys through blogs.  Some I like a lot, some I liked too much, but none whom I have met except my good friend from Richmond...name shall remain anonymous.  He has truly been an inspiration to me.  We have a lot of similar issues, but are in a different place with the family situation.

I really, really want to be OUT.  But, I am really scared to do it.  As difficult as things are now, I could not stand to lose any of those precious few straight friends that I have.  And, as much as I feel close to the gay/bi guys I have met through the blog, GRINDR, Adam4Adam, and others, I have no reason to believe they will be there to rescue me from the depths of depression when it occurs.  

I recently met a guy on GRINDR who lives close to me.  He is out, partnered, but still on GRINDR.  I am not exactly sure why, but I usually don't question what others' morality is...I have enough problems figuring out my own.  And, when I say we met, I mean we MET...we did not suck, fuck, kiss, or even shake hands.  We met to go for a run together.  He may have once thought there could be more to it, but if he did, he decided differently after we met.  
Anyway, we have done a few 'friend' things together...again...all with clothes on, and things we would not ever be arrested for anywhere.  At one point during a 'few-hour-long' car trip, I told him my whole story...marriage, divorce, bi, gay or whatever, after which he vehemently insisted my ex is a real bitch and should be shot.  My whole point is, that I think we got a little closer, emotionally, than before.  

I have realized through all of this, that what I really need are friends...true friends.  It felt really good to tell him about me, my side of the story.  But, after we parted, I realized that I had imposed on him a bit...had laid all of my problems on his lap expecting [or hoping] he could help with them.  Not fair to him.  That was a lot more than he signed up for.

Maybe what I need is a best friend who I can reveal all secrets to.  I also realized that thru 25+ years of marriage, I devoted virtually all of my time to my family...wife and kids...and none to me, and I was not a best friend to anyone.  I let all of my relationships erode.  And that makes me very sad.  

WANTED:  FRIENDS

Sean's TMI Thursday

Sean from http://justajeepguydc.blogspot.com/ has been doing TMI Thursday where he asks questions and asks his readers to answer them in comments, or here in their blog.  For this week.... 

No great adventures here...I really do lead a boring life.

1. Worst experience you ever had in a car? (not including accidents)
Non-sexual:  I was in FL with a high school/college friend who is a bit OCD, and is also very claustrophobic.  We were on the Atlantic side, and had been driving for quite a while, just checking out bars and the like.  I saw from the map [before GPS] that the shortest way back was through a tunnel under the inland waterway.  We were low on money and gas, and I thought --erroneously-- that I could be in and out of the tunnel before he really realized what was going on.  He damn near wrecked us when he saw the road dip into the tunnel under the water.
Sexual:  A very close call...had picked up a 20 YO and was parked near a state forest for a little sucking.  I saw a state trooper go past us...not sure if he saw us or not, but decided to go on and leave.  We got on the road, and just past the next turn, he passed us since he had turned around and was headed back to check out our parked car.  That was way too close for comfort.  

2. Driver or navigator?I have to do both!!! Type A, you know.

3. Planes, trains or automobiles?
Love them all...for obviously different reasons.

4. Best road trip?1980...Florida tour...with a straight bud...Not out, but still had a great time... he got his women, and I got my man...first visit to a gay bar... And he was none the wiser.

5. What's the farthest you've gone in a car? Sex, not distance.A car was the only private place we had for a long time.  But still only ever got to second...maybe third base with a girl or a guy.  
Bonus
What kind of car do you drive? What kind do you dream of?
Camry but I would look great in ....

2013 SL550 Roadster